A comic novella to entertain all age readers uses historical facts in a fictional memoir written by a pirate that describes his climb from the poverty years of youth as a garlic picker in a Spanish nobleman's garden while being forced to spoon-feed a young noble girl's doll collection to the latter years of his life. Fort Matanzas is a US Park Service site in a river south of St. Augustine, Florida. Pirates during the days of King Phillip's treasure ships preyed on gold being shipped from South American mines to the treasury of Spain. One kiss encouraged by a naive young lady of Spain starts a garlic picker down a road littered with hardships and adventures on his way to becoming the dreaded Captain Alberto Dicer of the pirate ship, El Dreadful. How did he lead a group of pirates using the same sailing ship battle tactics taught in a history class at the US Naval Academy? How did he survive battles without a scratch? What secret prevented his own men from killing him? Was he captured and did he meet the same lady of Spain he kissed years earlier? The locale descriptions are accurate, the personalities of characters are representative of persons during the sailing ship era but Captain Dicer's quest for wealth, revenge, and his method of survival are unique, plausible, and entertaining. Alberto was a good businessman will you feel sorry for him and might a similar ending happen today?